As I sit down with a few notes and a blank page, I reflect on the word relationships. How do they work in my life? Whom do I have relationships with? Are they positive or negative? Who’s in my corner? Are they true? Do I trust them? Are they encouraging or do they sabotage? Who are the motivators in my achievements? When you search for those answers, the revelation could shock you. I am not afraid to say that I have few friends but the greatest friends I could ask for. I seek positivity within my environment. Sharing myself with others and being good, gracious, and kind are the monumental actions to divide with friends, family, and strangers.
Here is your question:
What do I do with those people that bring me down, belittle me, make me feel like I’m not worthy, destroy my dreams, constantly speak negative about others, weigh on my thoughts, etc.?
We all have those people. I have one word for you. Boundaries! It’s time to set them for yourself. For me, it was with a very close family member. I found myself at a crossroad of being tired of trying to appease someone that is clearly struggling with something within herself. The hardest realization for me was I can’t help her. The straw that broke the camels back was the attack against my children and my husband. At that moment, I made a vow to never allow her to hurt me again. A quick deletion from all social media was my first move. She could only reach me by a phone call. At that point, I reserved the right to always say good-bye. We are at a better place, but it was boundaries that had to be established in order to get there. Never have I regretted this decision.
In the health and fitness industry, becoming a better you is the greatest place to be ridiculed. Life does not differ between skinny, fat, short, tall, athletic or the I don’t care personalities. Some people just don’t want you to succeed no matter if it’s weight loss, strength training, getting faster, eating right, living healthier, having more energy, or regaining control of your life.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Here’s a story for you. The story of my life. I am at a birthday party with moms sitting around a table chatting. The mother of the birthday child walks up and asks “would anyone like cake?” She abruptly turns to me and says “I know you don’t want any!” GULP! How embarrassed was I? It is a very uncomfortable feeling to constantly be picked on for food choices. I get it everywhere I go. Here is the greatest thing. I love cake and I eat cake when I want it. I just didn’t want any cake that day. It is a great thing called food freedom. The book is fantastic. Melissa Hartwig writes Food Freedom Forever. I deal with these types of comments in every social situation. I handle it with a smile when I really want to be a crouching tiger and pounce on someone. That day may come, I’m just hopeful not.
Here’s one more while I’m at it. I went with a friend to a local school fundraising event. There was a fantastic buffet of green beans, brisket, mashed potatoes, salad, and bread pudding. I had a little of all of it. I sat down and I know at least 6 people asked “well what are you eating?” I was proud to say I tasted a little of everything. They were astonished. There were even those that put mashed potatoes in my face and asked if I’d like a bite. It made me happy to say “I had some but thank you.” That tiger stayed contained yet again.
These constant relationships could cause a major back slide on your climb to the top of your triangle. Think about how often people comment on those around that do not make healthy lifestyle choices as opposed to those that do. Can’t you hear them? Why isn’t she eating that? She is too thin, she can eat 2 cheeseburgers and not gain weight. She is missing out. Why doesn’t she just cheat or treat herself? She brings her own food everywhere she goes? This is my favorite… She doesn’t even have to work at it? WWWHHHHHAAAATTTTTT????? YES, I DO! That comes a little later in my blogs.
Do you ever hear someone say, “you should not eat that much?” I don’t hear anyone at Christmas dinner say, “you shouldn’t have that!”. I’ve never been a restaurant and someone order and I say “are you really going to eat that cheesy pasta or that bacon cheeseburger or dessert?” NO, but hell, what a shock to the person if someone did. Why? Because it’s not socially acceptable. Someone will get sued on that note. Someone will think you are better than them if the tables are turned. Why is it ok to pick on the little people?
I promise there is no size in life that makes one person better than another. We are all on equal ground. It is your relationship within yourself that puts the strain on how you view others. Love yourself first.
It is time to take a stand for what you want. Stop being scared to admit that you want more for your health, your family, and your love of life. Stop allowing people to run over you and cloud your path. I don’t care who it is, your mom, your sister, your husband, your kids, your coworkers, your best friend, or your significant other. It is time to put this in check.
I received this text message from a friend of mine not too long ago. It read.
Loved your Facebook post about size attacks. I couldn’t post there because I don’t want to publicly talk about my dear mother. I am far from a zero but I have been feeling the pressure from friends and family about food choices. My mother was always encouraging me to lose weight but now that I am working on it, they always make snide comments about me eating cauliflower in place of everything! So frustrating, they act like cauliflower is so odd, it is a vegetable, I don’t understand the big deal. Anyway, Thank you for the article.
That article was found on Facebook and called, You Attack My Size 0 But I Can’t Attack Your Size 16.
Commit to those who strengthen you. Surround yourself with positive people. Love and acknowledge those that pick you up at your low moments and high five you at your best. Be done with negative comments, with being mocked, and be STRONG with the person that should fulfill you, YOU!