Boundaries are what set the space between where you end and where other people or things begin.
I touched on boundaries briefly in my blog on STRONG Relationships. It’s tugging on me to dive a little deeper and hit it a little harder.
STRONG – When I began with those 6 letters and a triangle, it was doing it and see what happens. Over time, I became vested in my thoughts and the passion and love of those thoughts on paper. It has taken an ownership. Like anything new in life, it starts off scary and you’re not real sure how to feel about it. You set boundaries. How to run it? When to blog? What to blog? How to say it? Do I care what I say? First and foremost, my main purpose is to always be real and to put myself out there. Good, Bad or Ugly!!! My point – I am choosing to let go of my boundaries when I write, so you can get to know “me”. I think that’s only fair. I struggle in all areas of life just like the next person. What would be extremely easy would be to hide behind this screen and tell you what I think you want to hear. What fun is that?
Balancing boundaries so that they are not too weak or not too strong is the difficult part.
How is your life stacked up?
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We have one life to live. We are all given the opportunity to accomplish anything. What is your purpose in life? I ask this so often. It is so important to find your purpose, your peace, and your presence.
Your golf balls – List them.
These are your most valued. Mine are my family, my faith, my health, my loyal friends, and my clients.
Your Rocks – List them.
These get you through your life. Mine are my job, my home, my car, my fitness community, and my running shoes to name a few.
Your Sand – Too many to list and they are truly of little importance. This is where most people spend most of their time. What a shame? Worrying about the nonsense shit in life. Taking on everything of ill importance. Being involved in everyone else’s business but your own. Making other people’s lives miserable by inserting yourself in it when you should be more concerned on your golf balls. This is where your boundaries are most needed. The sand is the people, things, and chaos that if ended this very moment would not impact your life at all.
This is now how I set my boundaries with people. I literally think if she/he evaporates today would my life change? If I can answer that question with no, then I’m moving on. You are not worth my time or energy.
“MAY THE BRIDGES I BURN LIGHT THE WAY”
It’s no secret that my personal life has had its share of talk in this town. It’s been a wild ride standing in my shoes hearing all of it. I have yet to hear one person discuss the truth. I have sat back and listened very attentively. Again, I put myself out there on my blog STRONG CHOICES. I have learned the best retaliation is shoulders back and head high. When I consider the sources of those sitting at lunch discussing and cackling about my character, when you are the last people that can cast a stone, makes me stand taller. People, you never know who is sitting at a table next to you at lunch or who hears you ranting over a building being built inserting my name. Hurtful? Absolutely. I then consider the sources. It’s not worth it. If people enjoy self-gratification by undermining others with gossip and lies, so be it. It overwhelms me that there are so little boundaries to relationships. A boundary will give you freedom from negative people and enlighten you with positive energy. It just feels so damn good to be in control. People will drag you through the mud without those cut off points, and you will allow it. Don’t you know I wanted to sink my toes in that sand, call each one of those ladies and say next time invite me to lunch and I’ll cackle with you about me. I promise I would respect them a whole lot more. I didn’t. I tell you all of this because some of you play in that sand day in and day out. It’s how we handle it that makes us different. Remember, if you put the sand in your jar first, your golf balls will never fit.
People lack boundaries because they have elevated levels of neediness. When you are needy, you have a desperate need to be accepted and loved by others. You sacrifice your identity and remove all boundaries. Here is my go to questions on setting limits with people. If you answer “yes” to most of these, you may want to reevaluate your boundaries (if you ever had them) …
Do you ever feel…
- Taken advantage of?
- Like you are constantly fixing people’s problems?
- You’ve been sucked in to a pointless argument?
- You’re invested in people for the wrong reasons?
- You constantly defend yourself and your beliefs?
- You get caught up in drama?
Now you’re thinking. Sand or golf balls?
The boundary on health and fitness from my perspective in my most respected expertise manner is this. The golf ball that carries the names of all my clients is a harder balance of boundaries than you would think. These people come to me for guidance, goals, growth, and the truth. Each client is unique. It is my job and duty to learn each of them personally. Balancing boundaries with each one is a struggle but I strive daily to make sure they know I’m there just for them. Telling them what they want to hear would not be fair to anyone and how does that make me look? If there is no reprimand for eating bad or skipping workouts, I’m not doing my job. You don’t get to say you work out with me and not put in the work that is expected. We give and take. There is little room for compromise. As a coach or “teacher”, these are my boundaries when I am working…
- We can’t all be friends.
- Communication provides strength and security.
- We place value on trust, and expectations.
- It’s a gift. We become responsible for ourselves and our bodies.
Do you have a golf ball for your health? How important is it to live a longer and more energized life? Your wellness needs boundaries and it’s not the boundary of a couch or computer. Get up and move. Find your purpose to live longer.
All our golf balls need boundaries in life. If you establish boundaries with the big stuff, the sands in life can’t get to you and you’ll have more time to have a beer with a loyal friend.
When I realized two years ago how setting boundaries would be so positive and life changing, I never looked back. There is nothing wrong with having a gate between you and the right people in life. I trust few. I love all. Kindness goes a long way. Acquaintances will come and go. They won’t call or visit when something is wrong. They won’t take the initiative to reach out. They will talk it to others but never have the heart to talk to you. Friends are loyal. If you have those, you are extremely lucky, hold on to them tight. They are your diamonds. Tell them how thankful you are for them.
A person with STRONG BOUNDARIES understands that they may hurt someone’s feelings sometimes, but ultimately, a person can’t determine how the other person feels.
STRONG – M